Alan Arvesen (aarvesen) wrote,
Alan Arvesen
aarvesen

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Screech

So, on Friday night, I gorged myself on my (used to be) favorite pumpkin tortellinis and something went terribly wrong.  I stayed up all night expelling whatever I ate that was bad so on Saturday I sat on the couch and watched TV all damn day.  And one of the things I watched was "Celebrity Fit Club".

Haha, if you haven't seen the current season, it's a gem.  Screech is one of the contestants.  Who would've thought that Screech would be a bigger tool than gangster rapper Warren G.  or comedic country goon Cledus T. Judd.  I had already heard about Screech's, ahem, sex tape, but watching the show I'm just aghast.  What a friggin jerk.

So of course I hit up the web site and they are milking his jerkitude.  Watching his continual melt down of non-sequitors, self righteousness, and literal insanity are amusing, in the cliched train-wreck sort of way.

It of course starts out with Screech making a big deal that he uses "logic and truth"  (it's like something your dad would tell you... anybody who has to tell you he is honest isn't).  So then he tells the fit club pros that he's here to try their program, but he's going to do it his own way.  He's going to eat what he wants.   Of course, logic and truth have gotten you up to 215 pounds Screech.  You're not morbidly obese, but, you know, your plan isn't working so hot.

Originally it was men vs women, but by (I guess) Episode Three the cracks are showing.  The whole deal is that the teams are weighed as one to compete against each other.  So if one guy isn't losing weight, it hurts the team.  He and Cledus get into is, and Screech is pissed.  He tells Cledus that they are a terrible team and that they are not helping each other.  He then immediately tells him that they should be supporting him in his own particular way of "losing" weight.  Because, you know, being a team means supporting the members who are actively sabotaging the team.  Or... wait... that's co-dependency.

So of course it gets freakier and freakier.  Apparently Dustin freaks out when people call him "Screech", but he drops the "Marcia Marcia Marcia" bomb on Maureen McCormick.  He's also the kind of jerk who makes himself so farking annoying that when people lose their shite and want to wring his neck he starts smugly warning them how his lawyer's going to send them up the river.

But, my favorite, is when he's all pissed off about some referee call that the host, a guy named friggin Ant, made.  He says he wanted to challenge him to "physical combat".  I guess since Screech beat Horshack on that celebrity boxing show he's feeling bad ass.  His challenge is repeated in front of the drill sargent guy, who blows his top.  He askes if Screech is, wait for it... wait for it...

YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR FARKING PART TIME, CARTOON MIND.

Hahahahaha.

Man, I just love hating this bastard.  After he tells the guy they'll set up "a UFC match", he gets self righteous about the Sarge threatening him.  What a farking tool.
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